And that's funny thing to love. Life is a hard thing to understand because no one is ever sure what to include in it. The definition is flexible and subjective, and slippery words make for brain-racking conversations with the self (which is, quite honestly, the scariest conversations there are). Right now my life is on a lake. Jesse and I have moved to my mother's house for the summer, as our lease ended in May and we didn't want to sublease an apartment for two months before we move across the country. Every day I paddle board, run, read while sitting on the dock and stare at the lake from a large, shaded deck. I get to do all of this with the most important person in the world. But I wouldn't really say that's my life.
We're moving to Flagstaff so we can both pursue our
And I hate it because it's complete bullshit. We weren't lucky, we fought like hell for what we wanted. I took 21 credits last semester and completed an honors thesis to be eligible to even start a Graduate program in the fall, and Jesse had to jump through what seemed like hundreds of hoops with NAU that I could hardly believe he was still battling the admissions process. I could believe it, though, because that is one of the many reasons I love him, and one of the many reasons we work so well.
I think that the largest part of the definition of life is ideology, and a lot of people don't consider this. It urges and explains emotions and perpetuates action. Mine consists largely of social justice, social action, forward momentum, and Theory
And I hate it because I know that it's true. I struggle to accept it and I know that I will never understand it. I find myself getting frustrated with this most often at work. I look around at some of the people that I work with and I believe that they are great, and I get angry because they aren't doing anything with their greatness, when they could do so much. Being a server in a fine dining restaurant has no positive forward momentum components. You go through the same actions, the same spiels, get the same responses from people, listen to and spit out the same pointless drama from day to day. The only thing that varies, truly, in that world is the tips - and even those are largely predictable. Though it's hard, I've tried to take the frustration I have towards their complacency and throw it into my own personal drive to make waves in this world. Sometimes it is just as beneficial to remind yourself what you do not want to be as it is to keep in mind a) who you are and b) who you want to (continue to?) be. This is one of the main reasons that I think "Today could very well be my last day" as I walk into that building.
I think that this comes off as 'harsh' to a lot of people, and I think they think that because they think it's true. I've never been afraid to say what I think and sometimes it is truly impossible for me to hold my tongue, and though it's been perceived as 'rude', I love that about myself, and I won't fight to change it. People are often scared of what they truly think, and when they hear someone else say it, especially if they know it's 'right', they will detest it. They will throw irrelevant insults and shrug their shoulders and roll their eyes. This is why forward momentum is sometimes hard, and why progression, though the word is so loosely thrown around, is almost always buried and shot down. People will do
And I hate it.